Stop Trying to “Make” Your Life

I haven’t posted in a while, so let’s get to it. The last year saw a lot of changes in my life.

I moved in with room mates to save money, almost immediately got my hours cut at work, suffered depression, went through a breakup, went through a second and worse breakup, and developed diabetes. I think. I just got medical insurance and haven’t had time to go to a doctor to confirm it just yet.

But I also found a new fulfilling job, converted two room mates I didn’t know very well into good friends, converted the two exes into friends, started going to therapy, recovered from depression, and started living healthier.

One of the breakthroughs I had in therapy was to stop worrying about approaching thirty and the perceived notion that I have to get everything in order by then: solid, established career; living on my own in my own apartment or house; having found somebody to be with; etc. While those are good goals to have, they aren’t things I need to have. Not yet, anyway.

As hokey as it sounds, you have to take the good with the bad and be open to letting things happen that aren’t part of your long term plans or goals. I always thought I’d be a video editor. When I graduated college, I hit the ground running and ground out a living freelancing. That lasted about four months before I decided that it wasn’t for me and I didn’t like LA all that much.

So I moved to Sacramento and worked for a Private Investigation firm as an evidence handler. I did this for about two years and realized desk work wasn’t for me.

Now? I’m a plumber.

Was that ever part of the plan? No.

Am I much happier? Yes. In fact, I’d say I’m happier at this job than I’ve ever been at any job, even when I was doing the best video editing jobs I’d had. Funny how that works out.

The second thing I came to realize is that while there were four or five things that I felt were causing me suffering – my job, my heartbreak, money issues, my health – the root of all these things was a low self worth and low self image. Learning to value myself and my time and find the things that make me interesting and worthy helped to pull me out. It wasn’t about those four or five things at all, it was about me, and how I reacted to those things, and once I figured out how to deal with myself, those things either seemed a lot smaller or weren’t a problem.

It also changed my perspective on dealing with things as they come into my life. I got into a car accident, and after the initial panic, I realized dude, it’s just a car. It can be fixed. Nobody was hurt and you’re walking away from it. I got injured at work; one of my drain cables wrapped itself around my hand, and while it was incredibly painful in the moment, afterwards one of the aforementioned exes-that-became-a-friend and I got dinner and I explained that because I’d been wearing all my safety gear, I didn’t get my thumb ripped off and I was pretty lucky to just walk away with a little swelling, bruising, and light nerve damage.

So things change, you let them happen, and then let things go back to normal I guess. Even now, it seems like my life might be undergoing some more changes in the new future. The trick is to just stop worrying about them and let it happen. And that’s also the most difficult part.

On New Year’s Eve, I resolved that in 2017 I was going to start doing more. I was going to go out more and see more. I was going to travel more, spend more time with friends, smile and laugh more, and just try to improve my quality of life. So I’m converting this website from my video editing portfolio into a personal blog to document what I’m doing. I haven’t done any serious video work in almost two years and I’m still paying for the domain; I’ve got to use it for something.

Join me on this journey. Let’s see where it goes together.

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